After two years of embarrassment for JP Morgan Chase, one of America’s biggest investment companies, their shares have finally become the first in history to become negative in value. Shareholders were literally paying people to become owners of the shares saying “we could not take the humiliation of being associated with this company anymore.”
And JP Morgan Chase were not the only company to experience this new low. Strippers in areas around the financial sectors revealed a 2000% rise in the amount shares used as tips, while all 115 billion shares of Citi Group mysteriously went missing leaving the company with no owners.
The latest drop in shares was the result of court cases being brought by the city of Milan against 4 banks, including JP Morgan Chase and Deutsche Bank. Representatives of Milan claim they were mislead into buying derivatives with Bankers telling them “these will make you richer than Italy” and “all the cool cities are buying them.”
American farmer James Jones was the only person willing to accept the shares and is now sole owner of JP Morgan Chase, who he plans to rename “Bank”. At 10 bucks a share, James Jones is now easily the richest man in the world, becoming the world’s first trillionaire, but Jones admits that this doesn’t come close to repairing the embarrassment of actually owning JP Morgan Chase.
No comments:
Post a Comment